i've only had one real ex-boyfriend. he was my first kiss, my first love...my first everything. we broke up in june because i thought i was in love with my best friend, steve. i wrote steve this huge fucking e-mail proclaiming my love for him, and everyone found out because steve told some people.
my ex-boyfriend then hooked up with my "best friend" all summer. he called her in the middle of the night, drunk, and she would go over to make-out with him and let him finger her. she lied to me about everything.
my ex-boyfriend basically hates me now. i "screwed him over," which he'll never get past, and he doesn't think i'm "true to heart and sincere." i can't even begin to tell you how many hours i cried or how much i've apologized to him, and i truly am sorry. i wish i could take everything back, but i can't. i want to be friends again, i want to know him again, and he wants to erase me.
he was so mean in this e-mail. considering that he was supposedly in love with me for eight months, he was really mean.
i'm not trying to erase everything. i guess u cant really see that wrongdoings play anypart in this on my part or anyone elses. i still talk to brit and caitlin because they dont screw me over or i do get into a romantic/ not so romantic more physical relationship with them because i know they are true to heart and sincere, sorry i had to try to put that into perspective. i am sort of asking if u are trying to erase junior year. sorry that the actions during junior year and the summer of junior year made me anything but friendly toward u or brianne, i just really dont feel comfortable around u or brianne. i would def hang out with cat, brit, and u if u guys ever called me. caitlin calls me, we try and do stuff together, and i feel its okay to be alone with her because we are buddies(not like me and brianne were buddies). brit cant do anything because of rehearsal, work, school work. if she ever called me, i would be there in a heart beat to hang. really i do not mean this email in spite, but u need to wake up and stop trying to analyze my actions, have good times and dont worry so much about me(i really do appreciate that u care) but work on ur life, i am doing just fine. and no i am not always making out with kim, or drinking with dustin. most weekends i chill at home or go hang with lance and nic, and i am okay with that. i am saving the exciting boozing days for college and the end of senior year. i know ur there natalie, just dont ask me to be like i used to be with u(whether that be a close friend or a bf), b/c that is something i cannot do.
i want a boy who won't get wasted all summer after breaking up with me because he is hurt and lonely. that's why cody claims to have hooked with brianne all summer. i want a boy who loves me and won't wake up one morning and stop loving me because i fucked up. i want a boy who is honest. i want him to be tall and to smell good and i want him to hold me the way cody did. don't all girls deserve kindness and respect?
i guess not.
i'm really trying not to hate boys, but it's proving to be the impossible.